ADHD as a Young Adult

"You don't have ADHD." "ADHD isn't a thing." "It's just a lie from doctors to rack in money from the medication sales."

Hello, I am Bethany and I struggle to this day with ADHD. Ever since I was young, I have struggled with it. It has been a life-long journey. The point of me writing this article is just to give you a glimpse of it through my eyes and I guess to give myself a chance to organize my own thoughts on it.
I'll start with my childhood. I was a very happy-go-lucky child with zero attention span and excess energy. My mom recounted to me the first time she realized something was... "different." It was when she had me in my highchair and the entire time I would just bang my head on the side of it.
I remember as a child having to take medication every morning, never being able to sit still, and having kids laugh at me in church because I couldn't sit still.
I also remember vividly my friend getting seriously upset with me because at her sleepover because I forgot my medication.
My camp counselor recently sent me this,
"I remember you being full of energy and super excited. Not entirely a bad thing either! ❤ I still remember the time at girl's camp that you told me you hated taking your meds because it made you feel weird and not normal. And I hugged you and you said but if I don't take them I'm told I'm crazy."
 I loved my childhood. I wouldn't actually change it for the world. It wasn't that hard being an ADHD child but it has been ...challenging being an ADHD adult. I had no idea what stigmas I would face as a young adult. I always thought that I would just grow out of my ADHD. Nope. The most frustrating thing I face is how many people I have talked to that have tried to convince me that what I have isn't real. What I face daily and struggle with every minute of every day...isn't real. It really hurt at first, but now I just let it roll off my back. Not everyone knows how to put themselves in other's shoes.
Another thing that is slightly frustrating is when people try to normalize me. As in, overly try to identify with me to try and assure me that what I go through is normal for everyone.
I have found that people increasingly look at ADHD as a child's thing and that having it is no big deal at all. It has even become just a meme on that internet, "I was going to the supermarket and... oh look a butterfly." People look at it like "So what, your thoughts are a little random and your attention jumps" That is an easy thing to say when it's not you dealing with it.

I am going to give you a little glimpse into my brain.
I overthink everything... my brain is like a high-speed machine that NEVER turns off. In less than a second, my brain can switch between 5 or more subjects, never quite completing the thought before it.
I struggle to look at people when they talk. It has taken me years of self-discipline to stay focused in a conversation. My brain pressures me to find another thing to occupy it when someone is talking to me. PLEASE and I mean PLEASE do not be offended if I am "looking" like I am not paying attention to you. I may be fiddling with my phone, looking around, playing with my shirt, etc. and it looks like I could care less about you or the topic at hand but THAT IS NOT THE CASE. It is how I cope with my ADHD.
Church and class are the worst for me, I cannot lie. I have been raised that you focus in church and do minimal else. It is not abnormal to see me glancing at the doors every single time someone enters. If anyone gets up it takes all the will power in me not to look.  I have this paint by number app on my phone and it does wonders helping me concentrate and occupying my need to be doing something with my hands. I have always cared to an extent of the people's opinions around me throughout my life. Most of the things that help the most with dealing with my ADHD are not always acceptable. My phone has been my biggest vice throughout my life. I have never wanted to be addicted to my phone or for people to view me as phone addicted. As an ADHD person, phones are a haven. I often sit there and just swipe left and right on my screen without even realizing it because it satisfies my brain's need for my hands to be busy. I have been known to give backrubs to my friends throughout movies because I need something to occupy my hands. My hands are almost always moving whether I am tapping the table, fiddling with a pen, etc.
I took medication during my school years. My mom wished now that she had never done that. I stopped after high school and (I don't remember this) but she said that she remembers that I started using (stimming) self-stimulation methods to deal with my ADHD. The most "worrisome" stimming I started doing was shaking my hands, sort of like an autistic child does. Although I don't remember it, it doesn't surprise me. I have successfully stopped doing that now but I do many others such as hitting my head lightly with my palm, playing with my nails, biting my nails, cracking my knuckles, popping my jaw, etc (Most humans have some stimming habits)
I have been in college for 2 years now. It has been such a journey. I always had medication throughout my school years. Doing college without it has been extremely hard. I have maintained my 4.0 but everything takes me forever. Readings are excruciating, reports are frustrating and concentrating in class is hard. I approached the topic of starting meds again with my mother but we collectively agreed to try and keep going without ingesting more medication.
I get distracted by everything. The best description I can give you for you to be able to understand what it is like for me when I am studying is this: Imagine you are trying to read a sentence and suddenly your brain starts saying "rainbows, rainbows, rainbows" and you are like no and try a little harder to focus and another thought comes, "unicorns unicorns unicorns" and you are just like NO! and try focusing harder. 2 or more thoughts come and they are just all unanimously "yelling" in your head and you just give up and entertain them because it was too loud to read your page anyway. Ten minutes later you just look at the page and want to cry because you were determined this time to get your reading done in a timely manner.
There is a "side-effect" of ADHD which is called hyperfocus. Randomly, at times not picked by us, we can focus intently for hours and not even realize what's happening around us. One night I read from 8pm the whole way to 5:30 am with only one break to stand up. In my case, it is a rare event.
If God asked me if I wanted to relive my life without ADHD, I am pretty sure I would say, "No, it is fine." It has shaped so much of who I am. ADHD has made me more sensitive to others who struggle with different disabilities. It has also, believe it or not, helped me with learning. Studies show that ADHD children are really bright....the question is, can they overcome their disabilities to reach their potential? I have friends who have learned to love me despite my ADHD. Some have even gone as far as saying that they love that part of me. They never know what's gonna come out of my mouth next and they get that amused look on their face when I try to recount my thought process. In school, I had a classmate who was my unofficial translator to my teacher because she could never follow my train of thought.
I have been described as a fun, bubbly, albeit random, energetic human who loves life and I love that! My favorite thing about ADHD is I want to try EVERYTHING! I want to overcome every obstacle and try everything out there. I am so curious. I want to visit every country, Get to know every person to find out what makes them who they are. I want to try every hobby. (I got my motorcycle license in a month just because I knew I could.) My crazy random thoughts have created an endless array of inside jokes. It has helped me live my life to the fullest and have a blast doing it. I have a friend with worse ADHD than I do. The day I found out I could just be myself with her and not try and reign in my ADHD was the funniest day. Our talks were a mile a minute, laughter was every other word and the topic changed every 30 seconds. After she left that night, my family was like.... "what hurricane just blew through?"
ADHD has been a real journey for me. It has taken a long time for me to come to terms with it. I still sometimes feel like an alien but I have ultimately learned to love how God created me. Randomness, hyperness and all.